I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
