Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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