I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
