new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
