What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
