Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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