8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
