When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
