I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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