I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My ass is underappreciated
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
