Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
