it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
