Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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