She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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