You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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