I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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