I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
