She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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