You really coming over, don't trick.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
