He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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