Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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