I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
