Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
