he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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