I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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