i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
