I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
