you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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