Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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