I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
