Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
