i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
