Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
