I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
