he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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