I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
