she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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