I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
