I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
