so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
