I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
