i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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