Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
