An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
