Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Pants are for mortals
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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