Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he thought i was a dude.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
