Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
