So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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