The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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