your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
