does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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