fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
