SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
