U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
