i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
