i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
