I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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