I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i out mim tonsoeep
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
