so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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