I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
don't judge my taste in strippers
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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