see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
