Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
