Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
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Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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