totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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