And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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