She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
