He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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