just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
