He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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