HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
