If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
