3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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