we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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