So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
